Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out, News of the World

I never thought that I'd get an opportunity to use this lovely photo of a slug crawling on a dog turd so soon – but it perfectly sums up how I feel about the News of the World.

A real "Oh Dear. How Sad. Never Mind." moment on Thursday when I heard that it was to be closed down.

I never really read it – just the occasional two-week old edition in a Chinese takeaway – but the paper was deservedly a byword for what everyone thinks is wrong with the British media, as evidenced by (i) a 168-year reputation (the NotW is even cited as a prime purveyor of sleaze in "Gravity's Rainbow" for god's sake – Slothrop was a faithful reader...); and (ii) the phone hacking (do we still need to call them "allegations"? I doubt it) exposed last week.

I genuinely struggled to think what could be more appalling than what the NotW did to the family of Milly Dowler. Celebrities and politicians, you can at least make an argument for tapping their phones – not necessarily a very good one, but it is possible to envisage a set of circumstances or even an alternate reality in which such an argument might not sound like a totally amoral pack of lies.

So I am glad it's closed down. And I wish no one had bought it yesterday – "good causes" notwithstanding (WHICH good causes, James Murdoch? Ones you pick? I'm not sure we can trust your interpretation of "good") – and instead that the public had collectively done a big poo on every pile of NotWs on every newsstand in the country.

I'm not saying it's the most disgusting newspaper in history, but at least Josef Goebbels didn't try to claw back some public sympathy with a charity edition of Der Angriff before he killed himself.

But let's not forget that politicians of every party – and even the bloody police – pussy-footed around the Murdoch press for decades. Their new-found bravery in denouncing it is a little too little, too late.

At the end of the day, News International is a business. As much as it often suits the media to pretend that it's serving a social function, it's in the business of making money. Politicians and the police are not. They have their functions bestowed on them by the public for the public and should exercise them without fear or favour – and yet Murdoch got both from everyone in public life.

But before we paint Rupert Murdoch up as the antichrist, just cast you mind back to who the last "press baron" we had in this country was... errr...It was Robert Maxwell, wasn't it? Stealing your own employees' pension fund is up there and getting close to deleting the phone messages of a murdered child in the disgusting stakes.

So, the new anti-Murdoch Milibandwagon should be careful how enthusiastic it gets. Show some contrition for your goddam complicity in the NotW's reign of terror, because if any of you had had the courage to challenge it sooner, we might not be here now.

That's why the idea of a government-regulated press is so completely ridiculous. The Press Complaints Commission might be a joke, but at least it's not a sick joke.

The political class is just as compromised as the leadership of News International – precisely because it has to be held accountable to a higher standard than a mere business.

Now, let's erase the News of the World from history. Let's start by lobbying the surviving members of Queen to change the name of their chart-topping 1977 album. The fact that they haven't done it yet is A SCANDALOUS INSULT.