Thierry Ennui

God, I hate football. Well, allow me to clarify slightly. Football itself is ok as far as it goes I suppose.  I’m not completely averse to the attractions of kicking a ball. What I hate is as follows (in Miss World order):

3. Professional football.

2. People talking about professional football.

1. People talking about professional football like in a way that supposes it is any more important than – say - what happened on Coronation Street last night.

It's not.

Listen - talking about football and footballers is no different from talking about wrestling and The Undertaker. Having pictures of footballers in and amongst your personal effects is no different from having a poster of Edward Cullen on your wall.

It IS a soap opera. Have you noticed that the media spends more time reporting on managers' complaints about referees' decisions, "will he won't he" transfer stories and the humorous off-field escapades of "characters" than the actual results of matches?

There’s nothing that makes me want to chop off a nut more than the prospect of going into a pub that says “Big screen Sky Sports” on the outside. 

Here’s a little suggestion for newspaper sports editors. Why not rename your football supplement “Shouting Men”? That is invariably what you are going to put a picture of on the front of it.

Oh, and here’s a second suggestion – next time you think about how to make a pun using the word “Roo”, why not throw yourself in front of a train instead?