And so, as this final year progresses, I will be the first
to you know about all the portents of doom as they happen, right up until the
big moment when the planet is destroyed. At that point, I will hand over to the
aliens, evolved dolphins or whatever that humanity will be passing the baton on
to.
Either that, or I will turn to any remaining Mayans at that
time and describe to you the look of intense embarrassment on their faces when
it turns out that the conclusion of a 5,125 calendar year cycle since the date
of their creation myth means nothing at all.
And when that happens, I will have very little to tell you –
because there aren’t any Mayans to speak of and haven’t been for some hundreds
of years, they having notably failed to predict the collapse of their own
civilisation in the 10th century.
Still, that major omission notwithstanding, I plan on taking
the idea that the earth will crash into an as-yet completely undetected planet
called “Nibiru” on a specific date later this year – despite the entire balance
of astronomical evidence being against this hypothesis – 100 per cent
seriously, and I will keep you updated accordingly. Only 350 days to go!
T-350 (6 hours later): The first portent - A pigeon flew into my face outside the St Johns Centre in Leeds. Clearly, the earth's magnetic field has begin to fluctuate, throwing birds off course.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that they are doing us out of christmas. Do I bank on the mayans and not buy christmas presents? Is there some sort of apocalypse advent calendar available? ODHSNM merchandising opportunity?
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