The Snowmanhood

At the weekend, my kids and I built a snowman.

Only it did not look like a snowman. It looked like a colossal penis, made out of snow.

I am not sure how other people make the conventional snowman-shaped snowman. Every attempt I made to create a body just ended up looking like a shaft.

And it got bigger. And bigger.

And every attempt I made to make it look less like a cock, only made it look more like a cock. Putting big round head on top, for example, was a project swiftly abandoned.

The kids, naturally, were oblivious to my growing discomfort regarding the social unacceptability of constructing a five foot tall fertility symbol on one’s front lawn.

Fortunately, Roger Jr saved the day with the suggestion that it should be an alien – and so a little decoration later, and behold! One giant space caterpillar.

And that – I thought – was the end of my troubles.

Until the following morning.

Whereupon, I transpired that the giant space caterpillar was not quite as solidly constructed on one side as the other.

And as such, had started to droop. As you can see, this created the unfortunate impression of just a hint of scrotum. 

By the following day – with a fresh coat of snow obscuring the carrot, stones and turnip which distinguish a space caterpillar from a giant penis – the angle of droopage had worsened.

And it was the same the next day as well.

Sadly, I did not take a picture on the last day of standing proud. By that time, it had attained an angle which was both mathematically fascinating and thoroughly obscene.

I returned home on Tuesday night, to see the mighty member lying prone and flaccid upon the ground. I was relieved, but also saddened. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. 

Post Script

I may not be able to build a child-friendly snowman, but I can make one mean snow whippet.