January is a time for reflecting on your life. Specifically, for pondering the question "how did I put on half a stone in ten days?". A corollary of this important question that perennially bothers me, however, is the following.
How can the natural position that my trousers want to assume be simultaneously (i) tight as hell round the front and (ii) constantly falling down to reveal an inch or more or bum crack at the back?
The trouser waistband is a flexible loop. From my limited understanding of physics, it should fall naturally to a point where outward pressure is equal on all points, right?
Now, for someone of my non-standard shape, that may well not be perpendicular to the floor around something I believe other people have called a "waist". But how can it possibly be that I have to take a deep breath in to do my trousers up and then ten seconds later be pulling them back over my arse?
I know I'm not the only person this affects. I've seen you. And your arse.
Next time from the "Oh Dear. How Sad. Never Mind." science channel: the hydraulic applications of baby poo.
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